I should be working. It's 10:14 am, Monday. I am sitting in the small office attached to Dr. Shenk's office. Class is at 11. I got here early today after dropping Dominic off at work. He was afraid his truck wouldn't manage the icy roads. They weren't that bad, but it is bitterly cold. I wore several layers, but my toes are still cold, even inside my boots. I keep obsessively checking my email, thinking one of the several emails I am always waiting for will perhaps finally come. My obsessive checking of Facebook is bad too. Wretched mind suck site. I have no self control.
I should be working.
I have too many distractions in my head. Too many anxieties; about today, about tomorrow, about the future. I can't shake it. I know I should - I know all about how we should focus on the present moment because that's all we really have for certain: right now, this fleeting moment. The moment I wrote the preceding words, the moment you read them, those moments are already gone. It is more than likely we didn't cherish them as we should have. We might not have another moment.
Alas, I should be working.
The way Swallow Hall is structured, it sounds as if the voices coming from the office in front of me are actually coming from Dr. Shenk's office behind me. You can hear almost everything. Foot steps, conversations, coughs, the ticking of the heater. It's 10:33. What have I been doing?
Good heavens, I should be working.
My mind is on a few conversations I had this weekend. One of them needed to be had. I didn't want to have it. It was a bummer! It was straightforward and without flesh. It was bones. How much should I share here? Probably nothing. The Internet is chock-full of oversharing. Ah, the infamous oversharer; you with your discussion of emotions and sorrow and blessed days and moodiness and food pictures and sicknesses.
But why are we so down on the oversharer? Is sharing not something we all yearn for? We just want to connect with people, and in modern day Western society that is one of the hardest -sometimes impossible- things to do. Having someone to talk to, having someone tell us everything will be okay, having someone to commiserate with. Knowing that there are people out there- however far away- that know what is going on in your life and are thinking about you. Sometimes Internet oversharing is the only way! We don't live in full family units. We live alone or in couples, single or paired off far away from home; reliant on ourselves or one or two other people for, well, everything. Everything is too much. No single person (or two) can provide you with all the support you need. I know our Western/US ideologies tell us that we need to learn to live on our own, but that is not how humans are designed to live. We are designed to have a support system; people around us who we trust and make us feel safe, who we can share our emotions and moods and sicknesses and meals with. Not to mention people who will help us take care of everyday things- foraging, cooking, cleaning!
I should be working.
Instead I am thinking of a family unit in which four, five, maybe more people live together, trust each other, help each other. Relationships are fluid and always in flux. Saturday I flipped through a journal I started in January 2008. I was astounded. Nothing is the same. Nothing in the beginning of that journal is at all the same. As I flipped through I saw entries about people who have died, friendships that fell apart, big moves, including the one to Missouri. Massive changes in relationships that I had hoped would never happen. Oh, but everything changes. The moments are fleeting. So fleeting.
It's 10:49. I am out of time. No oversharing for me today. It's probably for the best. And that's okay, this was enough.
Friends and family - know that I am thinking about you, and I don't mind if you overshare!
And my toes still aren't warm!
Brrrrrrrrrr
I should be working.
I have too many distractions in my head. Too many anxieties; about today, about tomorrow, about the future. I can't shake it. I know I should - I know all about how we should focus on the present moment because that's all we really have for certain: right now, this fleeting moment. The moment I wrote the preceding words, the moment you read them, those moments are already gone. It is more than likely we didn't cherish them as we should have. We might not have another moment.
Alas, I should be working.
The way Swallow Hall is structured, it sounds as if the voices coming from the office in front of me are actually coming from Dr. Shenk's office behind me. You can hear almost everything. Foot steps, conversations, coughs, the ticking of the heater. It's 10:33. What have I been doing?
Good heavens, I should be working.
My mind is on a few conversations I had this weekend. One of them needed to be had. I didn't want to have it. It was a bummer! It was straightforward and without flesh. It was bones. How much should I share here? Probably nothing. The Internet is chock-full of oversharing. Ah, the infamous oversharer; you with your discussion of emotions and sorrow and blessed days and moodiness and food pictures and sicknesses.
But why are we so down on the oversharer? Is sharing not something we all yearn for? We just want to connect with people, and in modern day Western society that is one of the hardest -sometimes impossible- things to do. Having someone to talk to, having someone tell us everything will be okay, having someone to commiserate with. Knowing that there are people out there- however far away- that know what is going on in your life and are thinking about you. Sometimes Internet oversharing is the only way! We don't live in full family units. We live alone or in couples, single or paired off far away from home; reliant on ourselves or one or two other people for, well, everything. Everything is too much. No single person (or two) can provide you with all the support you need. I know our Western/US ideologies tell us that we need to learn to live on our own, but that is not how humans are designed to live. We are designed to have a support system; people around us who we trust and make us feel safe, who we can share our emotions and moods and sicknesses and meals with. Not to mention people who will help us take care of everyday things- foraging, cooking, cleaning!
I should be working.
Instead I am thinking of a family unit in which four, five, maybe more people live together, trust each other, help each other. Relationships are fluid and always in flux. Saturday I flipped through a journal I started in January 2008. I was astounded. Nothing is the same. Nothing in the beginning of that journal is at all the same. As I flipped through I saw entries about people who have died, friendships that fell apart, big moves, including the one to Missouri. Massive changes in relationships that I had hoped would never happen. Oh, but everything changes. The moments are fleeting. So fleeting.
It's 10:49. I am out of time. No oversharing for me today. It's probably for the best. And that's okay, this was enough.
Friends and family - know that I am thinking about you, and I don't mind if you overshare!
And my toes still aren't warm!
Brrrrrrrrrr
Watching people swim and play in a lake. One of my favorite Bangladeshi outfits!
